How do I correct the patterns of being in unhealthy relationships with men?

Posted on January 31, 2009 by symphany

It seems that I definitely have issues when it comes to dating.. I seem to attract unavailable men and then on top of that I put up with it. I'm a smart well rounded woman who has a great head on my shoulders but where do I dig to find out where my esteem issues come from because it's surely not on the surface. I want to correct this pattern because all I long for is a healthy loving relationship with an available man..

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3 Responses to How do I correct the patterns of being in unhealthy relationships with men?

  1. mom says:
    February 1, 2009 at 5:08 am

    You don’t need to dig, you may find something else you don’t like. Look at yourself and realize you deserve better. You have value. you are awesome. You deserve the best out there, and don’t give up or give in. Make a list of what you are really looking for (yes I mean write it down) an don’t give up/in till you find it!

  2. riley says:
    February 1, 2009 at 5:16 am

    I think the bigger question is… why are you attracted to unavailable men? You are choosing these guys for a reason. Although the relationships may hurt, there may be a part of you that is way more comfortable avoiding intimacy and that’s why you’re choosing them.

    BTW- I have been struggling with this very issue for years. I now (finally) realize the fact my dad is an alcoholic contributed to my intimacy issues (among other things). Maybe you had to deal with something while growing up that has influenced your comfort level when dealing with intimacy and trust.

    I think if you address why you’re avoiding intimacy, you’ll begin on a path towards finding a fulfilling, healthy, trusting relationship.

  3. O4D says:
    February 1, 2009 at 5:18 am

    You need to learn to be happy with yourself. You do that by learning to be by yourself for now. You might be trying to hard. I think the more you learn to be by yourself, the more attractive you become. Ask yourself why do you need to be in a relationship. Your self worth is not defined by the relationship you are end. Take a class or join a club and do something new other than worry being in a relationship. The more you feel better about yourself the more selective you will be about the guys you date. You will keep getting stepped on until you get the lesson. If the men you are attracted to are not available, you have enough experience to know that within five minutes of conversation. So quit putting yourself through the pain.

    Good luck and Godspeed to ya!